Sometimes trying to figure out life seems like Algebra problem that you just can’t solve, especially when you are in your twenties and trying to find yourself, your interests, career and get experience.
While some people settled down for a regular job, maybe 9 to 5 type a thing, I was never into that staff – normal and boring. For me it’s always some challenge that drives my engine and for that reason – I still didn’t find myself. I got closer, though or at least I like to think I did. If not, I changed a lot in past few years and that is all because of my drive to do different things.
Now I am in a stage where I don’t know my next move and it’s scary. I am twenty-five and I got into a huge doubt over my life choices. One time, on a 30th birthday party of my crazy European friend someone asked her if she is freaking out and feeling old. She answered: “I am perfectly happy because in my life I always waited to be thirty. When you are thirty that is when your life starts and when you have stuff figured out.” She had a good point but I always imagined that by the time I am that age, I will have a good job that I actually like, an apartment of my own, four-year degree, a dog and at least a long term relationship. To brake it down, I am five years away from that milestone, just started college for second time (since I dropped out of first one), no boyfriend, no apartment, no dog ( I do have two cats) and I just changed my career to get to a conclusion that I want to do something else after just few months. It is going to take me more than five years to get out of this mess and sort it all out.
So, in all this mess I started to wonder (hm, Carrie Bradshaw moment) is there a right way to live your twenties?
The more I think about my personal mess, the more I observe people around me in their twenties. To get into this super personal, the reason I am thinking about this today more than any other day is because my best friend broke the news tonight over a dinner that he wants to move to Thailand and be a cook for some famous Asian chef. He is twenty-three and his biggest “out of comfort zone” was when he got drunk on my birthday and passed out while vomiting in the shower – in front of me. Luckily, he survived and now it is him who is making a change. His biggest dream is to own a restaurant and since he was teenager he has been learning about it side by side with some well known and famous chefs. He is tired of only one opportunity and wants to do more while young and sort of find his style and in the end, his true self to become better and more successful.
My friend is that type of person that doesn’t care about anything and other people can make decisions instead of him, a very easy going dude and when he broke the news I stood there for a while, processing what he just said. “Thailand” he repeated. Wow, I never even been to Thailand and until recently didn’t even know where is it located until I played some geography game on my phone while waiting for some stupid appointment. Never been to some exciting place actually, I lived in Europe for quite awhile and now in the US. This conversation made me ask myself: where do I want to go? What are the things I want to do and experience? I want to do so many things and looking at other people I have a feeling I am falling behind.
I look at all these people in their twenties and all I see is: boom-lawyer, boom-finance major; bankers, advisors, OMG I am losing my mind and how did you figure it out so fast?
Sometimes talking to older people give me anxiety because they think that twenties are roses and chocolates. We are young and we have fears. We have doubts and make mistakes. They make it seem like when they were twenty, forty years ago it was so simple; go to school, get married, buy a house, get kids. Now what? How many people of my age don’t have proper friendships let alone relationships. Society is advertising social awkwardness and loneliness with Wi-Fi access so what we can hope for?
I almost graduated fashion school when on my final year I realized I am not who I want to be and packed my bags to another continent. Now I have doubts when it comes to choosing a career as I failed so many times and wanted to so much, that it gets scary real. What a life to have, questioning every step of the way while getting judged for being young.
Then, I realized that I don’t live life like others because I am me, twenty-five year old who taking it day by day, with no apartment, no dog, no boyfriend. I do have a bucket list that is getting to be quite a lot and my next task is to do exact same thing like my friend – travel.
Sometimes I wish life was an Algebra problem, because nowadays I can Google the solution to it…